I was just clearing out some space on my desktop and organising my old (and very much unpublished) blog posts when I came across this one. I had written it around three years ago now just after a pretty traumatic (at the time) break up. I decided to actually take the plunge and post it now anyway because I actually had a chuckle whilst reading it and still very much stand by these three points.
“I’m sure most of us have been here. Whether a relationship has lasted a few months or a few years (nearly six in this case) we are always mentally prepared to experience an epicly shit few months following, its in the breakup DNA. So why have I found myself breathing and carrying on with life as normal, without much disruption? Genuinely, it is in my unparalleled belief that the universe has got my back. Every. Damn. Day.
- Indulge in your pity party. Be present with it. It won’t be around for long. There is something so divine in wallowing with a bottle of wine, two weeks worth of razor stubble and wearing the most uncoordinated slacks you can find absolutely whoring the hell of your Netflix account. You feel arty, connected, like you’re reaching out to every singleton everywhere. Let yourself be ok with this. You don’t want to move off of the couch when your housemate has friends over and tries to get you out for a night for at least six weekends running? Totally cool. You don’t want to exercise, smile, food shop, mingle with anyone other than your dog? Awesome.
- Be cool with your own company. You do not need to date straight away. You do not need to have the security blanket of another person to get you through despite how suffocating the feeling of loneliness can be. Seriously, is there anyone better in the world than you? You’re a funny, intelligent, strong willed individual and when you’re ready to get out of those beiging knickers you are going to take the world by storm. ‘And though she be small she be fierce’. Top mantra, say it, every day, out loud, to yourself. Once you’re on board with this idea, that you are worth more than anything you ever thought when stuck in the wrong situation, you’ll be ready to start the transition into your new phase of life. It takes a while to grow a new set of wings; invest in the lone time, meditate, cry, laugh hysterically with your best ones (or yourself) and you’ll find that you start gravitating towards new people and places without force. You’re exactly where you need to be and the universe has got your back. Ride it.
- Reassociate yourself. Dust yourself off, grab some boots and get out into nature. Take a walk, a hike, a run, whatever gets you some air and create some new SPACE for yourself. It’s time to re-write the story that’s currently playing out in your mind. (And if you’ve ended up in a park you used to go to with your ex, don’t be that girl and wail dramatically that you just remembered that the last time you were here you were picnicking and in love – you’re now just finding a new love, this time with yourself). Acknowledge the little moments of fire or sadness that may crop up in the process, but keep with the knowledge that everything is always working out for you, you got this.
Lastly, I’m going to share with you something that happened to me a few weeks after I had broken up with my (then) partner. It’s given me strength in the darker times and still brings tears to my eyes of immense and overwhelming gratitude every time I think about it.
I had woken up one morning from a vivid dream where I was riding in a little wooden boat in a midst a storm. In the boat were my mum, my dad and my sister and we were being thrown around in the sea. The waves were so huge and it felt as though the boat was about to flip over at any moment and I had the most intense feeling of panic and couldn’t catch my breath and couldn’t understand why on earth everyone else in the boat was so calm. I kept screaming out loud ‘Mum, mum I can’t do this, help, I’ve got to get out of this boat!’ And all my mum kept replying was ‘Emma, you’re fine, this is all temporary, it will pass, ride it’. So I did, and then woke up. Within the hour I had a phone call from my mum who was so excited to tell me that she had just had a really vivid dream about me and that she thinks it was a sign that I was on the right path. (Unknowingly to her on exactly the same night that I had had the same dream!). In her dream, there was a storm and all that she could see was me getting absolutely drenched in water unable to catch a breath. And in her dream she kept telling me ‘Emma, you’re fine, keep moving, it’s all going to pass, ride it’.
Now if that wasn’t a message in some way to tell me that I was exactly where I needed to be then I literally don’t know what was. I just sat there and cried for a good half an hour at the idea that I wasn’t actually alone at all and that in all of this this could be the start of something new, something much better. As much as this was of course just a message for me I feel it’s an insane message for anyone in a similar boat (;)), keep riding it, it is all temporary and whatever you’re going through, however you’re feeling, it will all pass. It’s all happening exactly as it should.
“I believe in the good things coming”.
So there you have it, my very much unedited blog from around three years ago. And I am now in a place of such stark contrast that I genuinely have a struggle reconnecting back to the person I was at that time. (Or as my new lovely guy will always remind me, in the teachings of Deepak Chopra, we are literally not the same person as we were as our cells and body are always regenerating themselves). Keep on swimming.
Photo : @rusticbones